If you’re anything like me, you thrive for perfection. Although we know perfection can put expectations on us that are unrealistic we still try to do our very very best at handling the challenge. Well, that’s normally my story and my “M.O.” However, after having two kids in one year (yes, Irish twins), I noticed a completely different girl. It wasn’t that she didn’t want perfection; she just couldn’t do what she thought she could. She dreamed of being a perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect friend, perfect minister…and the list goes on and on. Many times she complained about the “hand she was dealt” but also happy with the cards.
After having one child, your body, of course, needs to heal and recover. So imagine having two in 10.5 months apart. Your hormones need to level out and become normal again (whatever that is). You gather your strength. You feel strong but insecure; you feel confident but shy and you feel present, but alone. Understand me? Basically up and down, in and out. Now, I know everyone’s story is different, and I’m sure you would agree, but this is mine…
I’m learning to love the new me. It’s something that happens after giving birth that changes everything (I know, like bringing home a human) not just that, but mentally you’re different, spiritually you’re different and, of course, the obvious physical differences. You don’t look at life the same. It changes you in ways you’ve never expected. Not all bad, not all good…I realized that my body was possibly in shock after going through yet another labor/delivery. I had been doing the best I could for two weeks and then BOOM! Something hit that caused me not to be able to see a future of happiness. I’m sure you’re thinking of postpartum depression. Well, no, after deciding that I would come off my thyroid medicine, cold turkey, and believe God for healing, my body plummeted.
Here I am thinking I’m trusting God, and my face feels numb, and I feel a deep distance from the people I’m around. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. My energy was depleted; my body was not really healing the way I had the first pregnancy. Longer, longer story short. I wanted to just be “ok” with the “ok” I was so tired and felt like I would just wait it out. Now mind you, I thrive for perfection, but this person didn’t care. She just wanted to be there and let it go with the flow. One day I began to complain to Tim, my husband (I’m sure it wasn’t just one day…). At this point, I think he was tired of hearing about my symptoms. He looked at me and said, “ok, do the WORK” very strong and stern.
At first, I wanted to throw something right at his face (oh yes, I love him), but you know…I wanted to cry and go on and on about how he didn’t understand, but instead, something in me said, “yeah, you’re right”…
I had complained so much I was tired of hearing myself complain. I wanted to give everything to my children but didn’t have the strength. So, I started to do research on how to heal properly and move forward. Everything we do is spiritual, but our bodies need the natural assistance to do everything spiritual….well, over the next four weeks, GOD HEALED MY THYROID, and I’m no longer advised to take the medicine!! However, my body was not really in a good place STILL. Buttttt I kept going.
I’m not 100%, but I see improvements. I’ve lost 30lbs, I’ve started a skin care regiment, I eat better, I work out, and I take nice long baths.
WHYYYYYYY did I tell you this? Because I know there’s someone out there that doesn’t quite feel like themselves. Whether you’ve had a baby or not. Maybe you’ve lost your job, a friend, a family member, or just lost yourself. I want to encourage you that GOD IS STILL FAITHFUL & STILL GOOD. However, you have to do the work and trust the process. We often wait on God to do something, but he’s waiting on us to do something. My healing was activated by my actions. We are in charge here on earth. He said whatever we bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever we loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. SPEAK to your situation, get off your butt, and give yourself GRACE.
I’m not where I want to be or used to be, but I’m on my way to who I’m supposed to be.
My heart and love is with you,